I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
