Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
