Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
