Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
