soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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