that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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