can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
