I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize