That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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