Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
