dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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