Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
now i know why i became what i already was.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
