I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
