FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
