real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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