I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
