The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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