I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
