I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
