John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
