so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
