Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
