my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
