Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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