she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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