you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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