It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
