Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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