I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
