Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
