dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
