Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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