seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do vagina's smell?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
