if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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