then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
