New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
