i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
