I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
