So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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