Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
