What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
