I need to stop coming to work sober
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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