Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
