At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
