I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize