i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
