I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize