i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
