You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm passing your future prison.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
