I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
