I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize