Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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