I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
