The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
