both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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