Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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