Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
