NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
