Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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