she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
