he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
