Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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