Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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