Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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