PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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