I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize