Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
