don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
