yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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