woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize