Fuck appropriateness.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is her dick bigger than yours?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
