Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
