Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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