So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just blew my weed a kiss
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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