I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
