sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm really busy with my period
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